An update to a blog I wrote 4 years ago, almost to the day, which I find fascinating… looking back I published the original blog 2.17.17, and today is 2.16.21. I can’t believe it has been 4 years, since I first read the On Being podcast titled, The True Hard Work of Relationships with Alain de Botton. This time around, it was a beautiful reminder of the work it takes in relationship, and how much I need to let go of the “perfect picture” and continue to be grateful for the healing and recovery my partner and I have had over the last many years, and how well we have “survived” and actually thrived during a year of a pandemic.
From the original blog… Recently, I listened to an interview with Alain de Botton on the On Being podcast, he spoke about the true hard work of love and relationships. The host, Krista Tippet, introduced him saying he speaks and writes about how love deepens and stumbles, survives and evolves over time, and how that process has much more to do with ourselves than what is right or wrong about our partner. She continued to state the question that Botton says should be the first date question, “How are you crazy? I’m crazy like this.” .
Listening to this interview brought clarity to me as I am starting to blog about my journey of being married to my love, a man who came from a family with the patterns and energy of addiction and codependency (as did I), our dance together, and my healing of this generational and cultural pattern of codependency.
When I think about the question “How are you crazy?” Looking back almost 18 years ago when we fell in love, I probably could have identified that he was the crazy one because he was in recovery from alcoholism. I definitely would not have, at that time, pointed to myself as the crazy one, who thought I could and would fix this man. A true codependent, a perfectionist, a bit of a control freak, I had many ways of being crazy (and still do, I’m human!)
I have had so much anxiety about sharing our story, as there is a lot of judgment, misunderstanding, secrecy, and denial around this disease. I am happy to say that 4 years later, I am no longer calling this a family disease, though it serves at times (12-step recovery uses the word disease) to understand addiction, but that I am grateful for our story and our continued recovery as a couple and a family. I now continue to bring the practices, community and energetic work that has served me these years to share with others.
Listening to this interview, as de Botton spoke of love and relationships and the need to work on ourselves, I completely agree. I have deep gratitude that my husband and I found each other to show each other what needed and needs healing- it has been an incredible journey of growth, heartbreak, change, and healing. I have grown so much, learned new ways of living and being in relationship and am able to share the tools and energetic practices including Reiki 1 & 2, in community, while connecting to the wisdom of the cycles of the earth. Join me for the 4-month program Be Rooted in Your Truest Self through practice and energy awareness.